Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
