This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
