So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
