I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
