the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
