i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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