you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
