Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Me too!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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