Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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