so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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