Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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