You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
