She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
