Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
