i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
