we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
