Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
