we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
