I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I looked at my own cervix.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
