how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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