listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
