i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
