i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
