We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
