Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
