You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
