Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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