He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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