I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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