I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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