Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
