we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Nicole vs. Life
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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