He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he had hair everywhere except his balls
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
