I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
