no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
