he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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