I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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