Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
