2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
