Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Houston, we have a blender
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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