careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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