you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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