I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
