i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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