Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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