I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
