and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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