If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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