Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
