just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
