You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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