I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All Iβve had today is sex and water. I think itβs time for tacos.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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