my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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