I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
