I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
