Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
