My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
