That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
