Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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