i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
